Sunday, 20 December 2020

Sunday 20th December - The Birth of Venus

 Well, things have somewhat changed in the last 24 hours here in the UK and I hope everyone is finding a way to deal with the adjustment in our expectation of what Christmas is going to be looking like this year.  As long as everyone stays safe and well, it's all fine in the long run, but the uncertainty and changes are hard to keep up with. Hang in there, my lovelies, we'll get through all this nonsense and have a much better time next year.  Anyway, on with today's offering...

The Birth of Venus (1903) Ettore Tito

Good morning Venus! Even being the Goddess of Love being born from sea foam doesn't keep you safe from being kissed first thing in the morning.  Yes, yes, she's lovely, but she's being born right now so can the kissing wait?  Apparently not. Not only that but the chap next to her has decided this is exactly the moment to blow on his shell-kazoo.  Could you all keep it down a bit until the poor lass has had a cup of tea, at the very least? For heaven sake, some people have no respect...

The Birth of Venus (1875) Alexandre Cabanel

Even if you are not being kissed by someone, there is always the noise.  Look, someone has given two of the putti shell-kazoos.  Venus has the facial expression of every parent on Christmas morning as little Tabitha unwraps yet another noising-making present.  Oh look, Grandma has given both you and your brother recorders for Christmas.  How marvellous.  Where's the gin...?

The Birth of Venus (1846) Eduard Steinbruck

"It is kind of you all to come but I have really only just been born and it's a bit early for all this kerfuffle.  Also, I'm not sure four of us can safely fit on my big shell. And Maureen, your bum is showing again, you attention-seeking hussy..."

Venus Born of the Sea Foam (1887) William Stott

I don't know but is it worse that no-one showed up for this Venus's birth? You don't get all the noise and celebrating, I grant you that, but she looks like she's thinking 'I've shown up, so where is everyone else?! I'm fabulous, dammit, come and be astounded by my beauty and stuff!'

The Birth of Venus (1879) William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Oh no, hang on, that's too many people! There is no happy medium and in William-Electric Boogaloo's pearly rendition of the Venus's birth, there are merfolk and putti everywhere.  No wonder this poor Venus has been born standing up, there is barely room to swing a cat. And two shell-kazoos, the horror... 

Okay, this whole being born thing has to be sorted out.  No kissing, no shell-kazoos, the correct number of people and Venus should be coming into the world like an absolute Boss...

The Birth of Venus (1933) George Spencer Watson

Good Lord, that's awful and I love it! Venus seems to be springing to life in an Instagram-able manner just off the Dorset coast, with two dolphin-riding chums, a chap with a really impressive beard and Cupid, striking a pose behind his mum. And there is a rainbow! Definitely #TooBlessedToBeStressed

So, I think the lesson from today's post is less people first thing in the morning is a good thing, no-one should give children toys that make noise at Christmas, and if you have to spring to life in front of people, remember you are fabulous and don't worry that you haven't done your hair. Also, if you fancy buying yourself a little Christmas pressie, you definitely need this...


God bless Santoro's Masterpieces collection for giving me a good many laughs.  You can find this here...

See you tomorrow...

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