Having it away...

Nothing cheers me up like an illicit liaison.  Okay, maybe not exactly what I mean, but in times of stress and general malaise there is nothing like escapist, naughty romance to brighten the otherwise dreary firmament. With that in mind, I went in search of some scandal...

The Tryst Jean Leon Gerome

Nothing like a chap on a camel, stealing a kiss from his lady-love.  Do you think that is why camels have such long legs? Maybe that's why they always look remarkably hacked off. Poor noble creatures, ships of the desert forced to hang around while their friend smooches up someone they fancy.  No, hang on, that was me at school discos. This chap is obvious rich enough to employ a servant and own a camel so you have to wonder why they have to smooch illicitly.  Maybe its because he's the sort of bloke who smooches your daughter through the bars of her window...

The Tryst (no really, again) Jean Leon Gerome

From the other side, you can see that rather than have a camel indoors, she stands on her maid.  She stands on her maid!  That's just rude.  They are welcome to each other. I've never felt so utterly seized by passion that I've stood on domestic staff.  Buy a step ladder, for heavens sake. Don't stand on the woman who makes your dinner.

Welcome Step (1883) Lawrence Alma Tadema

This is more like it. I'm sure I've hidden somewhere, waiting for the object of my affections.  Sorry, that sounded a little scary, like I've waited in a hedge with some binoculars.  What I mean is that I've listened out for their step on the stair, the sound of their knackered Ford Fiesta spluttering down the road.  This young lady has brought a nice tiger skin rug with her to make the trysting more comfy, and her lover has brought flowers because chicks love flowers.  I rather love her necklace, those amber beads seem to glow with excitement.

The Intercepted Love Letter Carl Spitzweg

If you wish to have a passionate affair with the woman downstairs, be careful who you dangle your missives of love in front of.  This young man wishes to woo the industrious young lady, but she's so busy sewing it's the woman in the enormous bonnet who sees him lowering his love letter from above.  The woman looks really shocked - I wonder if it's addressed to 'Mrs Sexy Knickers'.  I wonder if she thinks it for her?

The Indiscretion (1895) Constant Aime Marie Cap

Not sure what is so indiscreet about this image, but then maybe peeking inside a ladies carriage is particularly saucy.  I'm guessing she's not flashing him a boob from behind the fan, although the open fan may signify 'I well up for it, Handsome!' or something more elegant but amounting to the same. Holding an open fan in your left hand means 'stop talking to that woman', which is odd as he's talking to her.  She has flowers in the carriage, and possibly has been out seeing her official, acceptable gentleman acquaintance.  On the way home, however, her carriage comes to a halt and this chap, I won't say 'gentleman', sneaks a look in as if to say 'Hello Ladies!  Going my way?'  What a saucepot!

An Idyll Hans Olaf Heyerdahl

Look, don't judge me, but snogging your beloved down a grim back alley is not my idea of a sparkling indiscretion.  Lawks, it looks bleak, maybe the kissing makes it better.  Because it looks so grey and broken, the only fun these two can have is with each other, with their eyes shut.  At least then you won't have to look at how much that gate needs mending.  Really, who can get up to saucy nonsense with that back gate? It would put me right off.

Temptation Gustav Osterman

Hurrah!  This is much more like it.  If you do wish to seduce me, please do it on a lovely sofa.  Look at the brocade on that!  Again, I am a sucker for a satin dress, and the nefarious possibilities of masks.  This shiny young lady has slipped hers off as a young man approaches. Her fan is shut which might mean 'Do you love me?'.  If she held it shut against her heart it would mean 'You have my heart', but I'm not sure what holding it shut on your lap meant. Well, I'm far too much of a lady to say so.  I am reliably informed that opportunities for illicit liaisons were rife at masked balls, which is cheering, especially when you consider the large quantity of satin and gorgeousness that were around.  On a chilly, dark November day, it's rather delightful to think of having your satin crushed by some nice chap on a rather splendid sofa. That would brighten up a Wednesday no end.

Whilst in no way endorsing adultery, I do recommend a bit of saucy Victorian art to cheer you up as the days get shorter and chillier.  The inevitable drag of commercialised Christmas hell might get you down but if you take a little time to yourself to live vicariously through Victorians up to saucy shenanigans then I'm sure we'll all make it through December.