The Long Weekend of Love: Bad Romance

Welcome back, Beloveds.  To continue our long weekend of romance and merriment I bring you today's offering: Bad Romance.

This was a result of investigating pictures for tomorrow's post on the most romantic pictures in Victorian art.  While looking at the beautiful images connected with swoony romance I kept finding some of the most strange and decidely unromantic pictures which were apparently scenes of great love.  Stuff like this...

The Potter's Courtship (1886) Arthur Hughes

Yes, it's all very lovely, but you do wonder if the lucky lady is thinking 'I can't afford shoes and he gives me a statue, thanks for that...'  There are moments where a box of chocolates might not be a bad option.  Honestly, it's all very nice of him but she looks like she could do with a decent meal, not object d'art.

The Proposal Robert Gordon

Now there are loads of pictures of deeply moving, heart-warming declarations of love, but this couple look deeply uncomfortable.  There is not much in the way of narrative to tell you why he looks like he's realised he's put his knee in something unpleasant.  She just looks embarrassed for him.  Gosh, it doesn't bode well, just ask her already, get up and we can all move on (and talk about you behind our fans).  I admit that the awkwardness may be the point, unlike this...

In Love Marcus Stone

Rather than 'Oh look, something shiny...', this is meant to be two people 'everso' in love.  Well, he might be, she looks like she's thinking about her shopping list.

Windy Day Jane Bowkett

I do feel a bit sorry for this chap because it must be difficult to declare your love in a force nine gale when your brolly's gone inside out and your hat's blown off.  He should just give up and go inside for a cup of tea, unless of course he's hoping her skirt will blow up above her head.

Love's Interuptions Frederick Morgan

Similarly, it's hard to be romantic with a stone in your shoe, although it does give you a good excuse to lean against the gentleman of your choice (she says, taking note).  Mind you, you would have to pause whatever romantic conversation you were having to yank off your shoe and give it a good shake.  I'm sure it is possible to achieve that elegantly, but I suspect not by me.

Ten Minutes to Decide (1866) George Dunlop Leslie

Ten Minutes?!  I'm sorry, but if a gentleman asks you to decide, you either say 'Yes!' immediately or you don't want to marry him.  In fact there are very few things I can think of that if your immediate response isn't a passionate 'yes' then it probably isn't a wise idea.  Mind you, that might be me.  I wonder what her friend is saying?  Hopefully it's something like 'Run! Run like you're not wearing a corset!'

Paying for Peeping (1872) John Calcott Horsley

Nothing says romance like the sound of your brother being smacked round the head.  The idea that some pre-teen boy in knee breeches is spying on you is enough to put the mockers on any romantic moment, so I'm not surprised she looks a bit distracted on the other side of the holey curtain.  There is a hint that in a matter of moments he will find himself propelled through the curtain by the power of his mother's hand.  Is that his mother?  She's dropping her flowers in order to whack her son, which can't be a good idea.

A Tender Moment William Henry Gore

Tomorrow I promise to bring you a bit of lovely romance, of chaste yearning and sighing, of blushing and swooning and all that sort of thing.  There will be no peeping snotty boys, no stones in your shoe, no skirt above your head.  A Tender Moment is more our sort of thing for tomorrow, even if being taken in your lover's arms may mean losing a limb.  Really, if your beloved is a fine country gentleman remember to ask him nicely to put his scythe down before he embraces you.  Safety first.

And if you get a stone in your shoe, be careful which bit of him you lean on.  It may shorten the romance somewhat if you impale yourself...