Today I was given the chance to go ice skating after our staff Christmas dinner. I declined politely, even though I would have been able to have one of those zimmer-penguins that help children to keep their balance. Why? Well, I did go skating once when I was about 13 years old. I was so filled with optimism, thinking that I would be the next Jayne Torvill, and the other children were gracefully gliding around. As I stepped out onto the ice, I dreamed I would hear the whisper of ice beneath my skate as I gracefully executed balletic moves, like this...
Ten seconds later...
I hit the ice with both force and repetition, which was neither attractive or inspiring. Turns out my centre of gravity is located somewhere other than in me, and my balance is pretty non-existent. Place me on a slippery surface, or even one that isn't particularly slippery, and I will, without fail, fall over. Still, I continue to be filled with the wistful desire to glide on ice like this lady...
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| Lady Skating on Ice (1882) Ludovico Marchetti |
This young lady is skating in a fashionable park in Paris near where Marchetti lived. In the background, other figures skate in the icy fog, but the artist only has eyes for the well-wrapped young lady with her bonnet and muff keeping her toasty. She appears to have paused, but the wind has whipped her coat back to reveal her striking blue and yellow dress. She has a very attractive skating outfit and she certainly has caught the attention of the painter, but it's well known men love a girl who skates...
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| Madam, your blades are so sharp I could trim my mustache with them! |
Look at Mrs Big Hat, she has a man literally at her feet because of her skating skills. This is where I went wrong as a teenager - had I been able to skate, I would have been popular with the opposite sex, but sadly the contrary was true. I blame it on my lack of skating prowess, oh yes.
Anyhow, I escape the fate of spending the afternoon on the ground showing most of the assembled crowd, not to mention a number of my colleagues and my boss, my pants, and Mr Walker seems to be able to accept me for the non-skater I am. However I shall always feel a sad inadequacy when I hear the opening bars of 'Bolero'...
See you tomorrow.
Yes but... that "Lady Skating on Ice" no doubt owes her pinched expression to having crammed her feet into her five-year-old sister's skates, since there is no way any woman her size could have feet that tiny.
ReplyDeleteMaybe her feet have shrunk in the cold? They are some dinky feet, aren't they? Maybe that is what is attracting the men, the tiny feet....men love tiny feet. Or something.
ReplyDeleteI can skate (better on wheels - I'm a Derby girl!) but until finding my partner, had terrible luck with men. I have big (size 8) feet, so perhaps it is indeed that men love tiny feet. :P I can't imagine Big Hat Lady's hat is helping her balance on skates. Also: muff.
ReplyDeletePossibly the hat acts as some sort of wings and so she actually flies along, pretending to skate. I am beginning to wonder if the rest of their feet are hidden in their muffs because their feet are very small...
ReplyDeleteSize 8 is not big for feet! That's the average actually. That hat the other girl is wearing certainly has enough feathers to make wings.
ReplyDeleteI always envied people with feet smaller than size 5, then you can buy children's shoes tax free. Plus they come in cool colours and the heels light up. I think I need to assess how I dress now I'm approaching 40...
ReplyDeleteA UK size 8 shoe is an American size 11 - I have big feet, the largest women's size commonly available.
ReplyDeleteThe only way I get light-up heels is either to shop at retailers catering to the sort of women who undress for money or trip over the Christmas lights.
I'm not far behind you in a 7. I think we may have found a gap in the market - adult light up trainers. When mine light up I want to have a little glowing Rossetti monogram on the back. Best shoes ever....
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